Golf Club

Three ladies are chipping up to the fourth hole at River Hill Golf Club.

Without warning a naked man wearing a paper bag over his head jumps from the trees and runs across the green.

The three ladies stand in awe at the size of his manhood.

The first lady says, “He is definitely not my husband.”

The second lady, gazes at his manhood and says, “He is not mine either.”

After a very considered inspection, the third lady finally says, “He’s not even a member of this golf club.”

Pompey's Pillar, Montana
Pompey’s Pillar, Montana

New Teacher

After retiring from the Marine Corps, a former Drill Instructor Sergeant took a job as a high school teacher. Just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a light plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit snugly under his shirt and wasn’t noticeable when he wore his suit jacket.

On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-aleck punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk, he looked around the room and made eye contact with each and every student. A strong breeze through the window made his tie flap. He picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

Dead Silence.

The rest of the school year went very smooth . . .

Huntington Beach Surf Birds
Huntington Beach Surf Birds

A Peculiar American Insanity

My father used to talk about a movie he liked and watched repeatedly. (Or as repeatedly as could be done by a man who worked two jobs in the 60s.) He wanted, he said, to see if a certain train ever arrived late. He said this, of course, (I hope) tongue-in-cheek.

To expect something that keeps repeating itself to change is not realistic. To keeping doing the same thing — again and again, again and again — and expecting the results to be different is nonsense — perhaps it is even insane.

And yet, we — with each mass shooting that occurs in the United States — refuse to alter either our attitudes toward guns or the laws that regulate them.

We are wedded to the idea of the “minuteman” with his single shot musket defending his home and country.

We are wedded to the myth of the “cowboy” defending his farm, ranch and family from bandits, rustlers and Indians with a Colt six-shooter.

Today, a single individual can legally carry the equivalent firepower of a 1700s regiment.

“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

Perhaps it is time to re-visit our Constitution. Perhaps it is time to amend the 2nd Amendment to our Constitution.

Aug. 1, 1966: Austin, Texas

– – –

July 18, 1984: San Ysidro, California

Aug. 20, 1986: Edmond, Oklahoma

Jan. 17, 1989: Stockton, California

June 18, 1990: Jacksonville, Florida

Oct. 16, 1991: Killeen, Texas

July 1, 1993: San Francisco, California

Dec. 7, 1993: Garden City, New York

March 24, 1998: Jonesboro, Arkansas

April 20, 1999: Columbine, Colorado

July 29, 1999: Atlanta, Georgia

Sept. 15, 1999: Fort Worth, Texas

Nov. 2, 1999: Honolulu, Hawaii

Dec. 26, 2000: Wakefield, Massachusetts

July 8, 2003: Meridian, Mississippi

March 21, 2005: Red Lake Indian Reservation, Minnesota

Jan, 30, 2006: Goleta, California

Oct. 2, 2006: Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania

Feb. 12 2007: Salt Lake City, Utah

April 16, 2007: Virginia Tech University, Blacksburg, Virginia

Dec. 5, 2007: Omaha, Nebraska

Feb. 14, 2008: Northern Illinois University, Dekalb, Illinois

April 3, 2009: Binghamton, New York

Nov. 5, 2009: Ft. Hood, Texas

Aug. 3, 2010: Manchester, Connecticut

Jan. 11 2011: Tuscon, Arizona

Oct. 12, 2011: Seal Beach, California

April 2, 2012: Oikos University in Oakland, California

July 20, 2012: Aurora, Colorado, movie theater

Aug. 5, 2012: In Oak Creek, Wisconsin, at a Sikh Temple

Sept. 27, 2012: Accent Signage Systems in Minneapolis, Minnesota

Dec. 14, 2012: In Newtown, Connecticut, Sandy Hook Elementary School

July 26, 2013: Hialeah, Florida

Sept. 16, 2013: Washington Navy Yard, Washington, DC

May 23, 2014: Near the University of California, Santa Barbara

June 17, 2015: Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston, South Carolina

Oct. 1, 2015: Umpqua Community College in Roseburg, Oregon

Dec. 2, 2015: San Bernardino, California

Feb. 20, 2016: Kalamazoo, Michigan

June 11, 2016: Pulse nightclub in Orlando, Florida

Jan. 6, 2017: Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport

Oct. 1, 2017: Las Vegas, Nevada

Nov. 5, 2017: First Baptist Church in Sutherland Springs, Texas

. . . perhaps.