Divorce

Divorce — Point-of-View

A judge was interviewing a Tennessee woman regarding her pending divorce and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”

“About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”

“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”

“It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar,” she responded.

“I mean,” he continued, “what are your relations like?”

“I have an aunt and uncle and 12 cousins living here in town, as well  as my husband’s parents.”

The judge took a deep breath and asked, “Do you have a real grudge?”

“No, we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one coz we don’t have a car.”

“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereos. We don’t necessarily like the music — all that hip hop and rap trap — but we can’t seem to do anything about it.”

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”

“Yes, he gets up every morning before I do and makes the coffee.”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why in hell do you  want a divorce?”

“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce; my husband does. The damn fool says he can’t communicate with me.”

Thanksgiving — 2018

It’s Thanksgiving Day, November 22nd, 2018 and the sun is shining here on the Left Coast, the land of fruits and nuts. Today’s temperature will be in the mid-60s and no rain. (We got some in the early hours this morning–maybe, up to half an inch.)

Charlie woke up about 6:30 am and I helped her to the bathroom and then to her sunroom, including her pills and a cup of tea.

Fixed myself a cup of coffee and read the newspapers with the CBS Morning News on in the background. Then, into the spare bedroom and some time on the exercise bike; it was about 90 minutes while re-reading a Recluce novel, The Mongrel Mage.

Realized I’d forgotten the onions for stuffing so I walked a half mile to the market; busy but all of the registers had checkers and there was no waiting. Passed a Polly’s Pies which had a large number of people getting their Thanksgiving desserts.

The Target parking lot across the street had cars which, I assume, were those of workers getting ready for their 5:00 pm opening. Quite thankful I’m not one of them and even more thankful I’m not one of those shopping there today, or tomorrow.

The combination of arthritis, neuropathy and Parkinson’s has made it impossible for Charlie to cook any more and, therefore, I will do the honors. Of course, under her direction and input, I’ll make her version of stuffing — yes, she insists on the stuffing being cooked in the turkey and not in a separate dish.

We have a 15 lb Butterball that’s been thawing in the fridge since Saturday. Since it’s only the two of us dinner will be: turkey, stuffing, potatoes and peas. And, an adult beverage.

Well, it’s after noon and time to get busy.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

– – – – –

Well, it turns out I made just the right amount of stuffing to put under the skin and in the bird — with the cavities fully stuffed and nothing left over. Put the thermometer in, oil and crushed rosemary all over the skin and into the oven. Left the skin uncovered for the first hour to crisp the skin.

Cleaned the kitchen and showered. A glass of wine and an hour of football and then on to the potatoes. Found a new roast potato recipe the other day and will put them in our lower oven. Will also make some mashed potatoes in case the roasted ones turn out less than stellar.

It’s nice that we like re-heated potatoes with turkey leftovers — nothing wasted. Charlie’s peas won’t take long; hmmmm, maybe I’ll make some lima beans for myself.

The turkey should be ready between six and six-thirty; so, we should eat before seven.

Ahhh, now for another sip of wine.

Hope your Thanksgiving Day is going as well.

– – – – –

The turkey was as close to perfect as I’ve ever done. Di’s stuffing was excellent. The roast potatoes were good enough that the uncooked mashed potatoes will remain uncooked until Saturday and tomorrow we (or at least Charlie) will have re-heated leftover potatoes — and there aren’t enough for the two of us, at least, with my appetite.

I had lima beans and Di had peas, and added gravy and red currant jelly to her plate. A delicious meal.

Smoke and Mist enjoyed their usual repast while our dinner was finishing in the ovens. They don’t generally bother with our food and tonight was no different with one small exception. When I went back for seconds, Smoke had a piece of turkey skin on the floor and was munching. Into the trash it went. Otherwise, the turkey was untouched by the cats. (And, I don’t know if I’d dropped the skin on the floor or if Smoke “stole” it.)

I’ll finish my glass of wine and then to the kitchen for clean-up and leftover storage.

Thanksgiving — 2018

LEXIPHILIA – WHO ON EARTH DREAMS THESE UP?

LEXIPHILIA – WHO ON EARTH DREAMS THESE UP?

A lexophile, of course! (A lover of words, especially in word games, puzzles, anagrams, etc.)

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.

I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro – what a rip off!

Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.

Cold Water

Cold Water

This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean.

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan.

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, the next morning John’s grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.

However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, “Are these plates clean?”

His grandfather replied, “They’re as clean as cold water can get ’em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!”

For lunch the old man made hamburgers.

Again, John was concerned about the plates, as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, “Are you sure these plates are clean?”

Without looking up the old man said, “Told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don’t you fret, I don’t want to hear another word about it!”

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather’s dog started to growl, and wouldn’t let him pass.

John yelled and said, “Grandfather, your dog won’t let me get to my car.”

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted, “Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!”

Meet Coldwater!
Have a fabulous STRESS FREE day!