Truisms or Not

Truisms or Not (shamelessly ripped off from a friend)

— If I had a dollar for every girl who found me unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.

— I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they’re flashing behind you.

— Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

— I changed my password to “incorrect” so whenever I forget it the computer will say, “Your password is incorrect.”

— Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

— I’m great at multi-tasking–I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

— If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

— Never tell your problems to anyone, because 20 percent don’t care and the other 80 percent are glad you have them.

— Doesn’t expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?

— Take my advice — I’m not using it.

— I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.

— Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they’re at home when you wish they were.

— Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

— I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it’s been doing is gathering dust.

— Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.

— I’ll bet you $4,567 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.

— Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

— If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.

— A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

— Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

— When I married Ms. Right, I had no idea her first name was Always.

— My wife got 8 out 10 on her driver’s test–the other two guys managed to jump out of her way.

— There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.

— Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

— Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

— He who laughs last thinks slowest.

— Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

— Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

— I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

— Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

— The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.

— I like long walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me.

— I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn’t find it.

— If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

— Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

— If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?

— Money is the root of all wealth.

— No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.


Oh, yeah — please, no more political posts, calls, emails, ads, snail-mail, etc — I voted today.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *