Jokes, Two

Joke One

The Cab Ride

With the holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my family and friends about drinking and driving. As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a “social session” out with friends.

Well, three days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had a sampling of rye, scotch, Jack and several mixed cocktails. This was followed by dinner and some rather nice red wine. And to finish the evening a couple of snifters of Hennessy Paradis. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be over the limit. That’s when I did something that I’ve never done before . . . I took a cab home!

Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real relief and surprise because I had never driven a cab before. I don’t even know where I got it and now that it’s in my garage I don’t know what to do with it!

Joke Two

The Salesman

Bubba Boudreaux, the smoothest-talking Cajun in the Louisiana National Guard, got called up to active duty. His first assignment was in a military induction center. Because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.

The officer in charge soon noticed that Boudreaux was getting a 99% sign-up rate for the more expensive supplemental form of GI insurance.

This was remarkable, because it cost these low-income recruits $30.00 per month for the higher coverage, compared to what the government was already providing at no charge.

The officer decided he’d sit in the back of the room at the next briefing and observe Boudreaux’s sales pitch.

Boudreaux stood up before the latest group of inductees and said, “If you has da normal GI insurans an’ you goes to Afghanistan an’ gets youself killed, da govment’ pays you benefishery $20,000. If you takes out da suppmental insurans, which cost you only t’irty dollars a munt, den da governmen’ gots ta pay you benefishery $400,000!”

“Now,” Boudreaux concluded, “which bunch you tink dey gonna send ta Afghanistan first?”


Laughter Holding Both His Sides

By James Whitcomb Riley
1849 – 1916

James Whitcomb Riley
James Whitcomb Riley

    Ay, thou varlet! Laugh away!
All the world’s a holiday!
Laugh away, and roar and shout
Till thy hoarse tongue lolleth out!
Bloat thy cheeks, and bulge thine eyes
Unto bursting; pelt thy thighs
With thy swollen palms, and roar
As thou never hast before!
Lustier! Wilt thou! Peal on peal!
Stiflest? Squat and grind thy heel –
Wrestle with thy loins, and then
Wheeze thee whiles, and whoop again!

Newspapers – A Love-Hate Relationship – 3

The Orange County Register (Newspaper Hate – would like to love)

Well, I guess it was too good to last. For the first time in two weeks on last Saturday, Dec. 6, I received a copy of the Register. Too much of a good thing: didn’t get one Sunday and didn’t get one today. Also, found out a friend of my wife’s who lives just a couple of miles away hasn’t gotten a copy since October.

LA Examiner - Newspaper
LA Examiner

If things continue this way the Register will go the way of the LA Herald-Express and the LA Examiner, for which my father used to work.

LA Times: Three articles (Newspaper Love, well sort of)

1) Fewer pass state bar exam

Ah, breaks my heart, as though we didn’t already have too many lawyers already.

2) Newspaper Editorial: The troubling militarization of local police

Under current programs the US military gives police departments used military equipment. Just what a local police department needs – military equipment.

This might have made sense years ago when military equipment and civilian arms were identical or close to it but today?

What local, or school district, police agency needs grenade launchers? LA Unified, maybe?

Two years ago Burbank got a new armored car and sold its used one to South Pasadena for $1.

Saddleback College police need a mine-resistant armored vehicle?

Wheatland, CA (Pop. 2300) needs five M16 rifles?

Do we really need police departments that look, and maybe act, like occupying armies?

3) Newspaper Op-Ed: The pope’s woman problem

The Catholic Church, and Pope Francis, does not treat women on a par with men, e.g., no female priests.

Does Islam treat women on a par with men?

Does Judaism treat women on a par with men?

How many groups, religious or otherwise, really treat women the same way they treat men?

I’ll give it to you straight folks: it isn’t just “the pope’s woman problem.”

“To Protect and to Serve” : Kelly Thomas and us

On July 5th, 2011 Kelly Thomas was subdued and hospitalized after a confrontation with Fullerton, California police. He died at the UC Irvine Medical Center on July 10th, 2011. The confrontation was videotaped and widely played on television news and talk shows. Two of the police officers involved were charged with involuntary manslaughter; in addition, one of them was also charged with second degree murder and the other with assault under cover of authority.

Their trial began on December 2nd, 2013 and on January 13th, 2014 a jury found them not guilty on all charges.

But the story does not end here.

Kelly Thomas’ father will go ahead with his lawsuit against the officers and the FBI will investigate to see if there is cause for the federal government to get involved. One of the officers has said he will try to get his job with the Fullerton PD back. The DA may run into re-election trouble. Life goes on.

Many of us refuse to go along with a jury verdict when that verdict does not run parallel with our own thinking. Twelve average and ordinary citizens listened to all of the evidence presented by both sides in this case and decided that the defendants were not guilty of the charges brought against them. But, many disagree and between civil lawsuits and possible federal civil rights lawsuits we’ll subject these officers to “double jeopardy” under the guise of justice.

We don’t take up our quest for “justice” with a gun; we use a lawyer instead.

Deadly Force

I think, however, that there is a larger issue here than the guilt or innocence of these police officers – the issue of police involved violence.

Is there no training for police in the use of non-lethal means to control suspects? Must police go for their guns or dog-pile a suspect to arrest him? I can understand the use of deadly force when a suspect is confirmed to have a gun and has used, or threatens to use it. But otherwise – no, NO, NO!

Mentally ill guy on the street – Kelly Thomas (?), possibly on drugs – six policemen struggle to subdue him. Is someone during the struggle going to lose it? Probably – it’s only human nature. What to do instead? Talk to him without threatening him or shouting and escalating things; wait for a supervisor to arrive and take a net out of a police car trunk and throw it over the guy if necessary. Surely there is room for a net in the police car (and the training to use it during the time an officer spends in the police academy)? Let him get tangled up and exhaust himself; don’t beat him to death.

Suspect comes at an officer with a knife – what to do? Pull out a gun and put five or six bullets into him? No – pull out a nightstick/billy club and disable him, but don’t kill him; surely police are still trained to use such traditional weapons as billy clubs (aren’t they?).

Suspect reaches into a pocket; it’s a gun – several shots from two police officers later the suspect is dead – no gun, just a cell phone beside the body.

How many stories have we seen in the last few years of people dying after confrontations with police which involved “look-alike” guns or objects which officers thought were guns but weren’t? How many stories involved police shooting at vehicles and people and hitting them multiple (many, many) times? And, how many of these incidents involved innocent people thought by police to be someone else?

We seem to have become a society which goes for the “nuclear option” first. We arm our police with pistols, shotguns and assault rifles. What about arming them with common sense and a bit more regard for their fellow-man?


During the 1950s Officer Joseph S. Dorobek submitted “To Protect and to Serve” as the motto for the Los Angeles Police Academy. It has since become the motto for the Los Angeles Police Department and, in many minds, the motto for all police.

Protect – I looked up the word on Google and got the following:

verb: protect; 3rd person present: protects; past tense: protected; past participle: protected; gerund or present participle: protecting
keep safe from harm or injury.
“he tried to protect Kelly from the attack”

synonyms: keep safe, keep from harm, save, safeguard, preserve, defend, shield, cushion, insulate, hedge, shelter, screen, secure, fortify, guard, watch over, look after, take care of, keep

I see nothing here about shooting first and asking questions later. Train police to use common sense and brain power first; use deadly force, or the threat of it, only as a last resort.