Humor . . . Irish?

Humor is a necessary component of modern life — witness the current political landscape here in America. But, here is some humor unrelated to no trumps, cruises, bernie bushes or Englishmen who go up a hillary to cross a rubio.

Humor 1

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he’d just been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he’s walking with a limp
“What happened to you?” asks Sean, the bartender.
” Jamie O’Conner and me had a fight,” says Paddy.
“That little sh*t, O’Conner,” says Sean, “he couldn’t do that to you.  He must have had something in his hand.”Pot of Gold - Humor
“That he did,” says Paddy, “a shovel is what he had,  and a terrible lickin’ he gave me with it.”
” Well,” says Sean, “you should have defended yourself, didn’t you have something in your hand?”
“That I did,” said Paddy.  “Mrs. O’Conner’s breast, and a thing of beauty
it was, but useless in a fight.”


Humor 2

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
“So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have ya been?”
” Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,” slurs the drunk.
” Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.”
“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.
”Did you know,” say’s the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”
“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”


Humor 3

Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
“Brenda, may I come in?” he asks.  “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya”.
“Of course, you can come in, you’re always welcome, Tim. But where is my husband?”
”That’s what I’m here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery…”
“Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me.”
“I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I’m sorry.”
Finally, she looked up at Tim. “How did it happen, Tim?”
“It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.”
“Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim.  Did he at least go quickly?”
“Well, Brenda… No. In fact, he got out three times to pee.”


Humor 4

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O’Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she’s in tears.
He says, “So what’s bothering you, Mary my dear?”
She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.”
The priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me Mary, did he have any last requests?”
She says, “That he did, Father.”
The priest says, “What did he ask, Mary? ”
She says, “He said,  ‘Please Mary, put down that damn gun…'”


Humor 5 — and for last . . . the best?

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, “Ain’t no use knockin’, there’s nocpaper on this side either!”

Hope ya’ had a chuckle . . .

Whiskey, Whisky

The first whiskey I tasted was Early Times. I suppose it comes as no surprise that Early Times was the whiskey we had at home; it was the only whiskey I can remember my father drinking. He did not drink it straight but mixed as an Early Times Presbyterian: Early Times, ginger ale, club soda and a lemon twist served over ice. (At least this is the way I remember it.)

“Whiskey, whiskey, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Milk of mercy please be kind
Drive this feeling from my mind”

Left Top Cabinet
Left Top Cabinet

This was the drink he started me on (sometime in my late teens). Later on I found that I liked the taste of the whiskey without the other stuff better than mixed.

My mother’s favorite alcoholic drink was beer. She allowed herself one in the afternoon. Miller High Life. I remember the first time she let me taste it (and, no, I don’t remember how old I was). I almost spit it out–it tasted like soap suds (sort of like cilantro does now).

On my first solo trip across the United States and Canada (the summer of 1973) I tried Canadian whisky–the provincial liquor store in British Columbia had plenty of ryes but only two bottles of bourbon. I’ve grown to enjoy both Canadian and American ryes.

Sometime in my thirties I began drinking Irish whiskey and Scotch whisky. I started with blends (of course) and grew to also like the single malts.

Truths about Whiskey/Whisky

Right Top Cabinet
Right Top Cabinet

A particular whiskey is neither good nor bad–what matters is whether or not you like it.

Some whiskeys are best enjoyed neat; others are best served over ice–don’t worry about what the other guy (or gal) is doing, enjoy it the way you like.

Some whiskeys are best enjoyed alone; others are best when mixed as cocktails.

Whiskey is a before, during and after dinner drink. Yes, there are occasions when we’ve gone out to dinner with friends and everyone else has a cocktail and then wine with dinner, and I’ve ignored the wine and enjoyed my whiskey through and after dinner (maybe with a brandy or cognac to top off the evening).

If you ever come over to my, our, home for drinks and/or dinner, please remember the following (and this is not completely tongue-in-cheek). Yes, you may have some of my “good” whisky over ice–however, the next time you come I may be “out” of it. Yes, you may have it neat and with a splash of water or soda. NO, you may NOT mix it with ginger ale, 7-Up, Coke, Mountain Dew, etc.

Current personal preferences:

Scotch: (Single Malt) – Talisker; (Blend) Johnnie Walker Red

Irish: Tullamore Dew (12)

Canadian: Crown Royal Black

American Rye: Wild Turkey Rye and (Rī)1

Tennessee: Jack Daniels Single Barrel

Bourbon: Maker’s 46

Do I enjoy other drinks? Yes. Do I have them “in stock?” Yes.

And . . . I’ll drink to that.