If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug, shag is good.
Writing; no we don’t think so–not on our lap.
Doors
Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow and mosquito season.
Guests
Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that human’s lap. If you can arrange to have Friskies Fish’N Glop on your breath, so much the better.
For sitting on laps or rubbing against trousers, select fabric color which contrasts well with your fur. For example: white-furred cats go to black wool clothing.
For the guest who claims, “I love kitties,” be ready with aloof disdain; apply claws to stockings or use a quick nip on the ankle.
When walking among dishes on the dinner table, be prepared to look surprised and hurt when scolded. The idea is to convey, “But you allow me on the table when company isn’t here.”
Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.
Work
If one of your humans is sewing or writing and another is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called helping. Following are the rules for helping.
1–When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on, picked up and consoled.
2–For book readers, get in close under the chin, between the human’s eyes and the book, unless you can lie across the book itself.
3–For knitting projects, curl up quietly onto the lap of the knitter and pretend to doze. Occasionally reach out and slap the knitting needles sharply. This can cause dropped stitches or split yarn. The knitter may try to distract you with a scrap ball of yarn. Ignore it. Remember, the aim is to help work.
Play
It is important. Get enough sleep in the daytime so you are fresh for playing catch mouse or King-o-the-hill on their bed between 2 and 4 a.m.
Begin people training early. You will have a smooth-running household. Humans need to know basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent.
Remember: a well-trained staff is the hallmark of a true feline household.
*From a fax dated May 2, 1994 and found in an old filing cabinet.
Two years ago we traded in my wife’s Jaguar S-Type for a Buick Enclave. The Jag, which she no longer drove, was not a practical vehicle to drive half way across the country on vacation with two people, two cats and their luggage and assorted paraphernalia. We looked around for a replacement vehicle — not a van — and selected the Buick. Roomy, comfortable and quiet, it suited our needs. I added a roof-mounted 17′ Thule carrier and we were set to go. I’d rather have purchased a Cadillac SRX, but it just didn’t have the room we needed. The only gripe I have about the Buick is the in-town gas mileage — 14-16 mpg; on the open road, even at speeds above 70 mph, it averages better than 20 mpg. (See: Summer 2015 Gas Prices)
Carrier with Scooter
Future Needs
My wife has had a GO-GO Elite Traveller 3-wheel battery powered scooter. She used it at work (teaching) for the last few years for going across her intermediate school campus (1800 students). We kept it in her classroom, and when she had to go to distant classrooms and meetings it was there and ready for use.
I foresaw a time when we would have to take this scooter with us — when her rollator (walker) or cane would not be enough. Therefore, I purchased the Buick with the trailer package. While I never intended to tow a trailer, I saw hitch-mounted bicycle and scooter carriers on many vehicles. I figured we’d need to take the scooter with us eventually and the time has come.
Purchase
I looked on-line at a number of sites for dealers and manufacturers, at weights, features and costs and eventually chose Discount Ramps (DiscountRamps.com).
My wife’s scooter weighs in at just under 90 lbs, and I selected an SC400-V2 Hitch Mounted Mobility Carrier with Ramp which has a carrying capacity of 400 lbs. The carrier itself weighs in at about 80 lbs.
Of course, there was some assembly required.
In addition to the carrier I purchased:
Tie-Down Strap Package Includes: (4) 1″ inch wide x 6 ft long ratchet straps. 3000 lb capacity each. (The tag attached to the straps says 1000 lbs, not 3000 lbs.)
5/8-inch Silent Hitch Pin(TM), Barrel Locking for 2-inch receivers. Includes wrench and set of keys
Cargo Net 30″ x 45″
Total price for all of the items (including the carrier) was $276.96. No shipping charges.
I placed the order on October 7, 2015 and received it via UPS ground on October 13 in the afternoon with plenty of time to put it together before dark.
Packaging
The packaging was a thick but flimsy cardboard; it appeared to have gotten damp and then dried out and there were several punctures and tears. The smaller items arrived at the same time in a smaller box that suffered no damage.
The carrier suffered some damaged en-route but not enough to return the carrier–of course, I couldn’t return it in the original packaging and would have had to find some other packaging to do so.
The damage suffered by the carrier amounted to some bending of the sides, where the handholds and holes for the tie-down strap hooks would go. My 36″ pry-bar was able to straighten, mostly, the sides so that the lift-ramp and pins lined up correctly. And, I didn’t even scratch it.
Putting it Together
The instructions are “fairly easy” to follow — suggestion: watch the video several times first (but it’s not quite that easy).
I used the 5/8″ Silent/Locking Hitch Pin I purchased to install the assembled Carrier Main Tube / Hitch Receiver Tube instead of the included parts and mounted it first. I then worked on the carrier basket / carrier ramp (on the grass because I did not have the same tools you see on the video). It was here that I had to do some “convincing” to get the carrier parts to function correctly.
Eventually, I got to where I was satisfied that everything fit and functioned correctly. I lifted the carrier (side toward the car) up and placed some blocks under it so that the tube was about even with the tube in the hitch. I then lifted the other side and shoved the carrier on to the hitch attached tube and secured it with the provided pins and bolts.
And, what do you know — it worked. I tried it in all positions — so far so good. And, then I rolled her scooter on to the carrier — it fit.
I then took two of the tie-down straps and secured the scooter to the carrier. Scooter didn’t budge. Brought Charlie out to show her (the whole thing was a surprise to her) — thank you, Honey, X O X O X.
The next morning I took her to her hair appointment. The scooter was not on the carrier. Nothing came loose; it wasn’t noisy and didn’t seem to bounce around.
Later in the day, I mounted her scooter and took her to a meeting at a local high school — to which we’d never been. She was able to use it and navigate around the large campus without trying to walk. The carrier was a success.
I checked the carrier and, again, nothing was loose or out of whack — same when we returned home.
In a week or so I’ll readjust some of the bolts and nuts to smooth things out. I’ll also use some Loctite to make sure nothing comes loose on those days we travel three or four hundred miles.
Conclusion
It seems like a good investment, so far. Long term? I’m hoping it’ll work.
Addendum
Tools Required: 17mm wrench, 3/4″ or 19mm wrench, 7/8″ or 22mm wrench, 1/2″ or 13mm wrench, Phillips screwdriver, 10mm allen wrench
If you’ve got a good adjustable wrench, use it. 10mm allen wrench? That’s not in my set — they should include this in the kit. You’re not going to use it anywhere else, and you’re not going to want to go to the hardware store in the middle of assembling the carrier.
Tie-Down Straps — Get good ones; do NOT use bungee cords or twine. The tie-down straps above are good. If you’ve never used them before, they’re not too hard to figure out. If in doubt, buy them at an auto supply or camping store and have the clerk demonstrate how to use them. Work them yourself and make sure you strap something down and loosen the straps before you purchase them.
Auto: The rear lift-gate on my Enclave will not function if the carrier is in the unloaded vertical position or is loaded with the scooter. There is an additional Scooter Carrier Swing Away Kit available for $135. Also, with the scooter carrier attached the parking assist on the Buick does not function. And, if the carrier is unloaded and stored in the vertical position, the rear back-up camera is just about useless.
Oh yeah, get some reflective tape to put on the carrier. The two included reflectors are inadequate.
Update on Scooter Carrier–Nov. 5, 2015
It already shows signs of rust (cheap Chinese manufacture and finishing?). I am not pleased, but I can purchase a can of Rust-Oleum black paint for the carrier. Some of the bolts and nuts are also showing rust–very cheap plating.
Unloaded carrier in vertical position.
Vertical
Unloaded horizontal
Unloaded — ramp up
Loading
Loaded
Tied down
Rear camera view – carrier unloaded and vertical.Rear camera view – scooter on carrier.
I’m one of those people who keep track of what they spend on gasoline and what kind of mileage they get. I used to to this on paper in a booklet I kept with my car or motorcycle. Nowadays I use a little app on my phone called Car Logbook. Our little vacation trip to Minnesota put about 6,000 miles on our Buick Enclave. Both mileage and prices varied widely.
Buick Enclave
May 22 — Union 76 — $56.15 — 14.6 gal — $3.86/gal (87 octane regular) — HB, CA
Jun 25 — Union 76 — $56.13 — 16.5 gal — $3.40/gal — HB, CA — 14.83 mpg
Jul 02 — Union 76 — $24.60 — 7.2 gal — $3.40/ gal — HB, CA — 14.51 mpg
Jul 03 — Union 76 — $56.74 — 17.3 gal — $3.28/gal — Gilroy, CA — 20.87 mpg
Jul 04 — Chevron — $62.45 — 17.4 gal — $3.60/gal — Arcata, CA — 21.03 mpg
Jul 05 — Chevron — $50.13 — 14.7 gal — $3.40/gal — Albany, OR — 23.87 mpg
Jul 05 — Exxon — $59.50 — 19.6 gal — $3.04/gal — West Spokane, WA — 21.09 mpg
Sep 22 — Conoco — $25.68 — 10.1 gal — $2.55/gal — Belgrade, MT — 15.78 mpg (back and forth city driving between Belgrade and Bozeman dealing with my wife’s toothache)
Sep 23 — Exxon — $38.32 — 14.7 gal — $2.60/gal — Spokane Valley, WA — 25.91 mpg
Sep 23 — Exxon — $30.03 — 12.7 gal — $2.37/gal — The Dalles, OR — 22.01 mpg
Sep 24 — Chevron — $15.53 — 6.0 gal — $2.60/gal — Albany, OR — 25.10 mpg
Sep 25 — Chevron — $45.26 — 15.1 gal — $3.00/gal — Arcata, CA — 23.98 mpg
Sep 26 — Union 76 — $44.14 — 16.2 gal — $2.73/gal — Gilroy, CA — 22.07 mpg
Oct 10 — Union 76 — $50.83 — 17.7 gal — $2.88/gal — HB, CA — 21.69 mpg
So, the best price of the trip was $2.29/gal in Moorhead, Minnesota and our best mileage was 25.91 mpg between Belgrade, Montana and Spokane Valley, Washington.
The Highest gasoline prices were (are) in California and the lowest were in Minnesota.
We are all either immigrants or the children of immigrants. Some of us are recent immigrants, within the last few years or decades, and some of our families have been in their current homes (country, state, province, city) for generations and centuries.
I was born in California about fifty miles from where I now live. My wife was born in England and has lived in the U.S. for forty years. Although my mother was born in Minnesota, her parents and some older siblings came from Sweden. My father came from Missouri where his family had lived since at least the 1790s (originally coming from France).
Those of us who live in the United States, and are not descendants of Native Americans, are either immigrants or the descendants of those who came here in the years following the European discovery of the Americas by Columbus’ expeditions in the late 15th and early 16th centuries. Native Americans are also the descendants of immigrants, but immigrants who came here millennia ago.
Some of us came willingly, even eagerly. Some of us came as refugees, forced by circumstance to leave our ancestral homes. Some of us were brought as indentured servants, criminals or slaves. In one form or another people still come to the United States for most, if not all, of these reasons.
The same is true of people and nations all over the world. Australia was colonized by Aborigines from Southeast Asia thousands of years ago, people who left Europe for a brighter future and criminals exported from the British Isles. Refugees have fled Syria and Somalia for Europe and America. Vietnamese fled South Vietnam following the fall of Saigon in 1975. In the 1840s the United States stripped Mexico of one-third of its territory and since then millions from the remaining two-thirds have come here legally and illegally. (Of note to some may be the historical reminder that there were those Americans in 1848 who wanted to annex all of Mexico. Maybe, that would have solved today’s immigration problems?)
The point is that, as we now understand it, all of our ancestors came out of Africa tens of thousands of years ago. Wanderlust, population pressure, and warfare have caused us and our ancestors to be refugees and immigrants time and again. Groups have intermarried and interbred again and again over that span of time–there are no pure nations, races or ethnic groups.
The Egyptians of today are not the Egyptians of Cheops’ or Ramses’ or even Cleopatra’s era. Italians are not Romans; Mexicans are not Aztecs. We are not just the great-grandchildren of the Puritans and the Pilgrims. We are the sum total of all who have come before. Caesar and Constantine might not understand us as individuals, but they would recognize our multi-ethnic society–an amalgamation of people from all over the world creating a culture that would be the envy of the world.
And I have gradually come to understand that it is the culture that is important–not religion, language or race. My great-great-grandparents in pre-Civil War Missouri had quite different feelings about color, race and equality than my father held. Mine are different still. As a society and as individuals we have grown more tolerant and accepting of those whose physical characteristics and beliefs are different from our own.
It is our culture, our belief in the freedom and rights of the individual, that has allowed, and even mandated, this growth.
It did not originate in the tribalism of Africa, the Chinese “Mandate of Heaven,” the god-kings of Egypt. It originated in the city-states of Greece some twenty-five hundred years ago. It was defended at Thermopylae and Marathon and Salamis. It was spread by Alexander and the Caesars. It was rescued by the Renaissance and cemented in political reality by the Magna Carta, the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution (and its amendments).
It is this cultural heritage, brought to western Europe and the Americas by refugees and immigrants that is important. Race, religion, color and language do not, I believe, in the long term, matter.
Our children are marrying people of other races and colors and our grandchildren are a blend. That doesn’t mean we love them less. And, are we not ourselves the product of an ongoing blending tens of thousands of years old?
Let us dispense with the aberrational fears and discriminatory attitudes of previous generations (and our own upbringing) and embrace the diversity that comes with immigration and the changing human landscape. Immigration is not going to stop, and we are not going to deport millions of “illegals” anyway–at least, not without turning ourselves into a police-state that would have Washington and Lincoln spinning in their graves.
Your daughters and sons are already dating, marrying and having children by men and women of other races. Your grandchildren and great-grandchildren may not look like you, but, if you love them, they will love you in return. Indeed, they may love you anyway, despite your intolerance and prejudices.
Remember, it is our culture, not our racial and ethnic composition, that is important–and education is the key. The more people we educate in our schools to believe in the rights of the individual, in freedom of thought and equality, the safer the world will be for ourselves, our children and grandchildren.
We arrived home just a minute prior to 5 pm last Saturday. I watched portions of both the USC and UCLA games that evening. On Sunday I also watched portions of several football games, along with some soccer.
While watching the Sunday NFL games, I again noted that sometimes the players introduced themselves and included the names of their universities (although sometimes they give their high schools or their college football teams–Miami Hurricanes, for example). Once I even watched a player give the name of his elementary school.
Something is missing: these players–former student-athletes–never give either their year of graduation nor the name of the degree they earned at their university/college. They seem to be proud to announce that they were athletes but not that they were students.
Are they not proud of their academic achievements as well as their athletic prowess? After all, they spent years attending classes, studying, taking exams and writing essays. Or did they?
Could it be that the term student-athlete, at least as applied to major college/university money-sport athletes (football and basketball), is just a sham?
Most of these schools are tax supported, public institutions. Our tax dollars help support these players, their scholarships, coaches and teams. Is our money really being used to educate them or is it being used to support non-student athletes in a minor league system reminiscent of that of Major League Baseball but at public expense?
I wonder if you have come to the same conclusion that I have? Hmmmm . . . . .
Hey! How about when the players introduce themselves on national television, we have them also give the year of their graduation and the degree(s) they earned? We could also have it printed in the newspapers next to the rosters in the Sports sections and in the programs sold at the stadiums. They could also be prominently displayed on the teams’ websites. Great publicity for the universities and colleges.
Or is it? Perhaps, it is all just a sham, a self-delusion we perpetrate on ourselves as a society hungry for entertainment, bread and circuses.
Helmets
On another note.
Last week a high school football player died after playing in his weekly game–football is not just a contact sport. Football, like ice hockey, is a collision sport. People get hit–hard. There are concussions, sprains, broken bones, torn ligaments and other injuries in every game. Some of these injuries are career ending, and others, like those suffered by Jim Otto, make for a painful and debilitating retirement.
I believe I have a partial solution to the problem. It may seem nonsensical, but I believe that it could cut down the severity of the injuries by reducing the severity of the collisions between players.
Let’s get rid of helmets. Right off, it’s going to get rid of spearing. Are these players really going to hit each other as hard as they do with no protective headgear.
For younger players, let’s get rid of pro football style uniforms, padding and armor and go back to flag football for all those too young to really understand the long-term (as well as short-term) dangers they face. Let’s not allow parents and coaches to fulfill their own fantasies by having five-year-olds play like professionals (and get goaded and cursed into NFL style violence).
If you don’t agree with the above paragraph, how about going and watching (and listening to) some of the practices, as well as the games these young kids play. I watched enough of them at Kelly Stadium in Orange, CA in the hours before working OUSD high school games as public address announcer and message board operator for twenty-five years.
Feel free to disagree with any, or all, of the above; you won’t hurt my feelings. But, if you would, please, read, watch and listen to the stories in our media about injuries suffered by those who play this violent sport. It is one thing for an adult to make a decision to play this game and quite another for a child to do so. Pleasing a parent or emulating a hero are powerful draws for a five-year-old or a teenager.
The following article appeared in the Minneapolis StarTribune on September 10, 2015, written by Patrick Reusse.
