Power Outage

It was a cold and blustery here in the OC of SoCal. The rain started about 4:30 am; I know because it woke the cats and they woke me — demanding an early breakfast. So, I fed them and realized that the rain canceled today’s golf game — grumble, grumble, grumble.

Went back to bed for a couple of hours more sleep.

The wife woke about 7:00 am and as we got out of bed I heard a crackling — like very loud static on the TV — and then: BANG!

Looked out the window and saw that the transformer on the power pole across the street had exploded. And, then I realized that our lights had gone out.

The power was out and my desktop Mac, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music system were all shut down.

Then I discovered that my mobile phone battery was dead.

I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this also needs power, so I sat and talked with my wife for a couple of hours.

She seems like a nice person.


Joe and Di at Yorba
Joe and Di, Mid-1980s

Aging

As I get older, I realize:

#1 – I talk to myself, because there are times I need expert advice.

#2 – I consider “On Trend” to be the clothes that still fit.

#3 – I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.

#4 – My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance for idiots that needs work.

#5 – The biggest lie I tell myself is, “I don’t need to write that down. I’ll remember it.”

#6 – I have days when my life is just a tent away from a circus.

#7 – These days, “on time” is when I get there.

#8 – Even duct tape can’t fix stupid – but it sure does muffle the sound.

#9 – Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes,
then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?

#10 – Lately, I’ve noticed people my age are so much older than me.

#11 – “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering why I’m there.

#12 – When I was a child, I thought nap time was punishment. Now it feels like a mini vacation.

#13 – Some days I have no idea what I’m doing out of bed.

#14 – I thought growing old would take longer.

#15 – Aging sure has slowed me down, but it hasn’t shut me up.

#16 – I still haven’t learned to act my age.

And remember….. Youth is a gift of nature. Age is a work of art.


HB Sunset Pier
HB Sunset Pier

Jesus Is Watching You

Subject: Jesus knows you are here

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, “Jesus knows you’re here.”

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.”

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

“Did you say that?” he hissed at the parrot.

“Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.”

The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”

“Moses,” replied the bird.

“Moses?” the burglar laughed. “What kind of people would name a bird Moses?”

“The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.”


Sunset - Huntington City Beach North of the Pier
Sunset – Huntington City Beach, North of the Pier

New Orleans Lawyer

This seems appropriate for a Sunday . . .

New Orleans Lawyer

Part and parcel of the rebuilding New Orleans following Hurricane Katrina was the challenging task, for many residents, of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years. In a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, sometimes making it quite difficult to establish ownership. Here’s a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client:

You have to love this lawyer . . .

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. She was told the loan would be granted if she could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, she received the following reply.

(Actual reply from FHA): “Upon review of your letter adjoining your client’s loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.”

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (Actual response):

“Your letter regarding title in Case No.189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 206 years covered by the present application.

I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the United States from France, in 1803 the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain.

The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a Genoese sea captain by the name of Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Queen Isabella.

The good Queen Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus’s expedition. Now the Pope, as I’m sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. And God, it is commonly accepted, created this world.

Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it, and the FHA. I hope you find God’s original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our loan?”

The loan was immediately approved.


Minnesota Ducks -- All in a Row
Minnesota Ducks – All in a Row

The Redhead

A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.

“Oh my, I am so sorry,” the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.”

They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theater followed by drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.

After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!

“You know,” he said, “you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?”

“No,” she replies. .. ….

 

(get ready)

 

 

 

 

“You just happened to catch my eye.”


Sunset Palm
Sunset Palm