Jokes, Two

Joke One

The Cab Ride

With the holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my family and friends about drinking and driving. As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a “social session” out with friends.

Well, three days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had a sampling of rye, scotch, Jack and several mixed cocktails. This was followed by dinner and some rather nice red wine. And to finish the evening a couple of snifters of Hennessy Paradis. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be over the limit. That’s when I did something that I’ve never done before . . . I took a cab home!

Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real relief and surprise because I had never driven a cab before. I don’t even know where I got it and now that it’s in my garage I don’t know what to do with it!

Joke Two

The Salesman

Bubba Boudreaux, the smoothest-talking Cajun in the Louisiana National Guard, got called up to active duty. His first assignment was in a military induction center. Because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.

The officer in charge soon noticed that Boudreaux was getting a 99% sign-up rate for the more expensive supplemental form of GI insurance.

This was remarkable, because it cost these low-income recruits $30.00 per month for the higher coverage, compared to what the government was already providing at no charge.

The officer decided he’d sit in the back of the room at the next briefing and observe Boudreaux’s sales pitch.

Boudreaux stood up before the latest group of inductees and said, “If you has da normal GI insurans an’ you goes to Afghanistan an’ gets youself killed, da govment’ pays you benefishery $20,000. If you takes out da suppmental insurans, which cost you only t’irty dollars a munt, den da governmen’ gots ta pay you benefishery $400,000!”

“Now,” Boudreaux concluded, “which bunch you tink dey gonna send ta Afghanistan first?”

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Laughter Holding Both His Sides

By James Whitcomb Riley
1849 – 1916

James Whitcomb Riley
James Whitcomb Riley

    Ay, thou varlet! Laugh away!
All the world’s a holiday!
Laugh away, and roar and shout
Till thy hoarse tongue lolleth out!
Bloat thy cheeks, and bulge thine eyes
Unto bursting; pelt thy thighs
With thy swollen palms, and roar
As thou never hast before!
Lustier! Wilt thou! Peal on peal!
Stiflest? Squat and grind thy heel –
Wrestle with thy loins, and then
Wheeze thee whiles, and whoop again!

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