A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.
“Oh my, I am so sorry,” the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.”
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theater followed by drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
“You know,” he said, “you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?”
A daughter asks her Dad, “Dad, there is something that my boyfriend
said to me that I didn’t understand. He is sooooo in to his cars and told
me that I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic
Her Dad answered, “You tell your boyfriend that if he opens your hood
and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his lug nuts
so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking oil
out of his exhaust pipe.”
After retiring from the Marine Corps, a former Drill Instructor Sergeant took a job as a high school teacher. Just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a light plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit snugly under his shirt and wasn’t noticeable when he wore his suit jacket.
On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-aleck punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk, he looked around the room and made eye contact with each and every student. A strong breeze through the window made his tie flap. He picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.
The rest of the school year went very smooth . . .