President’s Day

Several weeks ago I was having coffee and eating breakfast with my teenage Granddaughter. About halfway through our meal I asked her, “What special day is it tomorrow?”

Without skipping a beat she replied, “It’s U.S. President’s Day!”

She’s smart. Then I asked her, “What does that mean?”

I was not ready for what she was about to say.

She replied, “U.S. President’s Day is when he steps out of the White House and sees his shadow, and we have 3 more years of Bull Shit.”

You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose.

Gifts for the Teacher

Teachers occasionally receive gifts from students and/or their parents. Some are useful; some are just bizarre. A coffee cup (of which I received several dozen over the decades) is useful; a scented candle — just bizarre (at least, for me).

I still have a number of unused Starbucks cards — which I keep in my car, just in case.

A friend of mine teaches elementary school in a nearby district and receives many such gifts each year.

This last Christmas one of her young ladies, Sara, brought her a basket of organic fruit — her father manages the produce section of a local market.

Timmy’s father owns a florist shop and he brought a marvelous bouquet of white roses and red carnations.

Sean, whose father and mother own and operate a wine bar frequented by my friend and her colleagues on “in-service” days, brought her a rather large and heavy box.

My friend lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it. “Is it wine?” she guessed.

“No,” Sean replied.

She tasted another drop and asked, “Champagne?”

“No,” said Sean . . .

 

 

“It’s a puppy!”


 

 

Costco?

Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Donald-John, the Wonder Dog. I was stuck in a rather slow check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant?

The Purina Diet

Now, I’m retired with a lot of time on my hands and few outlets for my sense of humor. A sense of humor my students thought was rather “wicked,” especially when an administrator walked into my classroom while I was telling stories. I was a History teacher, after all.

So, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the positive side, however, I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, certified, so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. “No,” I said. “I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.”

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Costco won’t let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.


Sun Bath
Sun Bath

St. Thomas of Canterbury, Goring on Thames

St. Thomas of Canterbury - Stained Glass Window Behind Altar
Stained Glass Window Behind Altar

St. Thomas of Canterbury - Exterior from main road.
Exterior from main road.

St. Thomas of Canterbury - Exterior from church graveyard.
Exterior from church graveyard.

St. Thomas of Canterbury - Interior Facing Altar
Interior Facing Altar

St. Thomas of Canterbury - Interior Facing Away From Altar.
Interior Facing Away From Altar.

St. Thomas of Canterbury Banner
St. Thomas of Canterbury Banner

St. Thomas of Canterbury Church, Goring on Thames


Fishing on Veterans Day

The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the bar just outside the American Legion Post.

A ragged old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge with a fishing line in the puddle.

A curious young Navy fighter pilot came over to him and asked what he was doing.

“Fishing,” the old Marine said.

“Poor old fool,” the Navy officer thought to himself and he invited the old Marine into the bar for a drink.

As he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, the haughty fighter pilot asked, “And how many have you caught today?”

“You’re number ten,” the old Marine sergeant answered. “Two Navy, three Army and five Air Force.”

Power Outage

It was a cold and blustery here in the OC of SoCal. The rain started about 4:30 am; I know because it woke the cats and they woke me — demanding an early breakfast. So, I fed them and realized that the rain canceled today’s golf game — grumble, grumble, grumble.

Went back to bed for a couple of hours more sleep.

The wife woke about 7:00 am and as we got out of bed I heard a crackling — like very loud static on the TV — and then: BANG!

Looked out the window and saw that the transformer on the power pole across the street had exploded. And, then I realized that our lights had gone out.

The power was out and my desktop Mac, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music system were all shut down.

Then I discovered that my mobile phone battery was dead.

I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this also needs power, so I sat and talked with my wife for a couple of hours.

She seems like a nice person.


Joe and Di at Yorba
Joe and Di, Mid-1980s