Category Archives: Humor

Plumbing Problems — Grrrrr . . . Part 2

Well . . .

Later that day I took Di to her hair appointment at 5:30 pm and returned to the sound of running water.

Yeah, it was the other toilet — in Di’s bathroom. The toilet would not shut off no matter how I adjusted things. (Dirty word, dirty word, dirty word)

So I turned off the valve at the wall and called the plumber. He came out the next morning and replaced the interior mechanism as he had done with the other toilet.

Total damage: kitchen, bathroom 1 and bathroom 2 = just under $450.00.

Better than flooding!


MARIJUANA and MARRIAGE in Washington State

On a single day, Washington State recently passed two laws.
They are:

1. Legalized gay marriage, and
2. Legalized marijuana.

Legalizing gay marriage and marijuana on the same day now makes perfect Biblical sense.

Leviticus 20:13 says:

“If a man lies with another man, they should be stoned.”

Apparently we just hadn’t interpreted it correctly before!

Cabernet Sauvignon — Health Benefits

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

Do you feel stressed at times?

If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, ask your doctor, pharmacist, bartender or neighborhood lush about Cabernet Sauvignon.

Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately and, with a regimen of regular doses, you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living.

Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it. However, women who wouldn’t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:
Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, loss of motor control, loss of motor vehicle control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Warnings:
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to think you can sing.
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

Please feel free to share this important information with as many people as you feel may benefit!

Now just imagine what you could achieve with a good Shiraz or Merlot…

LIFE IS A CABERNET OLD CHUM!

Breaking News from A-FNN — 5.26.17

Breaking News — from A-FNN

Dateline — Washington DC

A-FNN White House correspondent Amber Gris reports that unnamed, but highly placed, sources within the Trump White House have confirmed our earlier reports about President Trump’s decision to cut funds from the Federal Budget for California’s earthquake early-warning system. Also included was the decision to eliminate funding for tsunami-monitoring stations in oceans.

When asked about this President Trump replied: “Yes, we intend to focus on core USGS science and efficiency. While California (a state in which millions of illegals voted for my opponent in the last election) will lose funding, states which sit astride the New Madrid fault in the interior of our nation (and legally voted for me) will see earthquake research monies increased.

“Most of the rest of our great nation cares nothing about “Blue California” and will little mourn its loss in a major earthquake. Besides, I and many of my colleagues own land in California’s interior, and its neighboring states which will become valuable coastal resort properties when California slides into the Pacific.”


http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-trump-budget-earthquake-early-warning-20170525-htmlstory.html


A-FNN: Alternative-Fact News Nutwork

Breaking News from A-FNN

Breaking News — from A-FNN

Dateline — Washington DC

A-FNN White House correspondent Amber Gris reports that unnamed, but highly placed, sources within the Trump White House have confirmed our earlier reports about President Trump’s about-face regarding the current investigations regarding his campaign’s and administration’s ties to Putin and Russia.

According to these sources, Mr. Trump will issue instructions on his return to the United States that all members of his administration cooperate fully and openly with any and all queries issued by the special prosecutor’s office regarding ties to Russia. Also, included in this are those active who were in his campaign but not currently employed by his administration.

“Openness and transparency in government are important to the working of our political system,” said Mr. Trump. “I am therefore instructing all of those associated with my administration and campaign to fully and truthfully answer all pertinent questions posed to them by Justice Department and Congressional investigators.

“Also, hiding behind the Fifth Amendment is unacceptable. A person who hides behind the Fifth Amendment is merely confirming his guilt.

“Truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is the only acceptable behavior for those entrusted with running the government of the United States. Only through the truth will we be able to Make America Great Again.”


A-FNN: Alternative-Fact News Nutwork

Truly “a Story”

On July 20, 1969, as the commander of the Apollo 11 lunar module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon.

His first words after stepping on the moon, “That’s one small step for (a) man, one giant leap for mankind,” were televised to Earth and heard by millions.

But, just before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark, “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky.”

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet cosmonaut.

However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years, many people questioned Armstrong as to what the “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky” statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.

On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question about Mr. Gorsky to Armstrong.

This time he finally responded because his Mr. Gorsky had just died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could now answer the question. Here is the answer to, “Who was Mr. Gorsky?”

In 1938, when he was a kid in a small mid-western town, he was playing baseball with a friend in his backyard.

His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor’s yard by their bedroom window. His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky.

As he bent down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky.

“Sex! You want sex?! You’ll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!”

It broke the place up.

Neil Armstrong’s family confirmed that this is a true story. (Or, possibly, that this is truly a story.)


Picture of the Day


Palm View of the Pacific

Palm View of the Pacific